DATING TIPS MAILBAG: What Women Want In A Man
By David DeAngelo
***QUESTION***
Hi Dave,
I just bought the advanced CD series &
it's amazing what a difference they make over the book. Being able to
listen on the way to work, whilst out doing chores, etc. is cool. I can
feel the confidence building inside me, it's like my own personal coach.
The C&F doesn't come naturally to me at
present so I've taken your advice and am using the internet as a 'woman
simulator' in order to practice. I've had mixed results so far, I think
a few took the teasing the wrong way as some of them would suddenly stop
replying.
I must be better at the C&F than I thought
though. The first time I went on this site I was chatting to a few girls
and one of them ended up giving me her mobile and asking if we could go
for coffee before I had chance to. Anyway my question: You suggest that
a date should simply be 'tea & stimulating conversation', which for all
of the reasons you give makes perfect sense to me. But once I've done
the tea & conversation with this girl, do you have any suggestions for
other dates where I can come across as the 'lover' instead of the
'provider'. The only one where I wouldn't end up having to shell out
(buy her stuff) that I can think of is a walk along the river or
something, but that's rather dependant on the weather.
Thanks for changing my life.
AIB - London UK
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Yea, well you're welcome for the "changing
your life" thing. Glad to help.
Now, you're kind of mixing up a couple of
concepts that I never intended to "depend" on one another...
If you want to know where to take a woman
for dates, that shouldn't be confused with whether or not you come
across as a "lover" personality, and not a "provider" personality to
her.
Let me ask you something... what is a
"date"?
What do you think that the purpose of a
"date" is?
Now, I call my material "Double Your
Dating", but what I DON'T mean is "take women out to dinner twice as
much as you used to".
The word "Dating" is simply a word that
all of us guys understand to mean "romantic interactions with women".
So I use it.
But if you want to have more romantic
interactions with women, that does NOT mean that you need to "take women
out on dates" in order to do it.
Are you with me?
I mean, what do couples do a year after
they get together...?
They stay home most of the time, do normal
things like go shopping, and generally behave like they did before they
met.
This whole "going out to dinner" ritual is
really an amazing concept. It's awesome how powerful it is... and how
guys really believe that they need to do it (or similar things) in order
to get a woman's attention in a romantic way.
Here's the bottom line:
If you want a woman to think of you as a
"lover", then BE ONE.
If you want her to think of you as a
provider, then just BE ONE.
What you haven't quite realized fully yet
is that when you know how to trigger ATTRACTION in a woman, all the
"normal" rules go away.
If a woman feels that powerful emotional
ATTRACTION for you, then she'll do ANYTHING with you... just to be in
your presence and have your attention.
If you have dialed up the ATTRACTION, then
all you need to say is "come over here".
No dates required.
Now, if you buy her dinner 10 times, call
her 3 times a day, and chase her around, then it will be EXPECTED that
you continue this pattern... and provide for her.
NOTE: If you're buying a woman dinner
twice a week, giving her flowers, calling her every day, and basically
"chasing" her, then you can be about 80% sure that there's another guy
in the picture... but guess what? He's the one who SHE calls, and he's
the one who says "Come over later, I'm busy now"... no dates required.
If you want to be a LOVER to a woman, then
DO IT.
You don't need to wait until the third
time out for coffee or tea.
You'll learn that ATTRACTION doesn't have
a timeline.
It happens VERY QUICKLY, if you know how
to trigger it... and you don't need a lot of "date ideas" once you do.
And now that I've avoided your question
for a page or two, let me answer with this:
I often take women to do "regular" things
with me. I'll take them to the grocery store to shop with me, out to the
mall to pick things up, and down to the bookstore to buy a book.
First, start BEING the LOVER immediately.
Then, notice how women DON'T CARE what you
do together, as long as she's with you.
***SUCCESS STORY***
David,
Just wanted to say that after reading your
material, I experienced a mental shift. I now see situations in terms
of: was I self-referenced (C & F Man) or externally referenced (wussie
boy)? It is now very clear that success in anything comes to leaders not
followers and women hate dealing with followers. For example look at
little boys dealing with little girls when they are playing together.
They boss them around, make them play by their rules and those girls
grow up expecting men to lead them. Just watch any John Garfield or Lee
Marvin movie. Leaders get the girl, wussies get to be used and
discarded. I've made my choice.
Thanks David
E from Chi
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Good. Now help me get the word out to the
other 3 billion guys on the planet.
You're right. Women don't like men who are
FOLLOWERS.
Women aren't ATTRACTED to men who are
FOLLOWERS.
But guess what? Most men FOLLOW anyway.
Thanks for reminding us that we need to
LEAD. Leading creates ATTRACTION. Following creates the curious dry
feeling.
***SUCCESS STORY***
Dave-- I definitely have to give it to
you. You are "da shizznitt", lol. Your DYD dvd series has really changed
my entire life. I now feel like I am in control of "My World". I was a
little hesitant about buying your product... but I just said "What the
Hell...What can I loose???" I am military and in my spare time I am a
bartender. You know what that means... I see females out the izzass, lol.
I was working one night and a female came up to one of my fellow
bartenders to order something and while getting her drink... she asked
told him... " all these guys are staring at me. Do you think i'm cute?"
Now normally if I were in his shoes and hadn't learned what you taught
me... I would have melted and told her that she was the finest thing to
step foot on this base... case in point...that was what he said. He just
bent down unzipped his pants and practically handed her his nuts. Hence,
her hands being the nutcracker. I interrupted them while he was "dazed
and confused" and told her "Actually they're looking at that big pimple
on your forehead. She stopped and turned towards me and laughed and hit
me on the arm. Then I told her not to get mad cuz I was cuter than she.
She smiled and for some odd reason... she could not keep herself away
from the bar. I just pretended that she was one of my friends that I
tease all the time and just called her on everything that she did.
Man... I couldn't believe that she was really eating this up!!! The
other bartender that she was talking to first, couldn't believe that I
was doing this!!! He.... for some odd reason didn't GET what was going
on... It was like jets flying over his head. And to show that his nuts
belonged to her... he just kept trying to compliment her. She just
glanced at him smiled and quickly turned her head to pay him no mind. I
got her e-mail and number and she has been like putty in my hands for
the past three months. I have to give it to you, Dave. You da man!!! I'm
not a selfish person...so I gave him your e-mail address and hopefully
he'll get your system and realize what he's been doing wrong. I should
give him her e-mail address so that he can ask for his balls back, lol.
But... for those who have doubts about Dave's system... I'm living proof
of success.
Thanks Dave!!!
JR - Mexico
>>>MY COMMENTS:
OK, first of all, I think that you must
have some kind of bizarre NUT OBSESSION, dude.
And it's not right.
But hey, fortunately you're on the right
side of the "don't hand them over" equation, so everything seems like it
might be all right for you.
You've given some great examples of how to
get an attractive woman's attention, tease her, and play with her to
"spark" that initial sexual tension and "chemistry".
Now make sure you keep it up so you're not
writing me in 3 more months with the "She used the Trojan Horse De-Nutting
Technique" on me.
***QUESTION***
Hey Man, What has happened to women's
standards? All the beautiful babes with no neck dorks! I am a good
looking guy and I can't even get a phone number. They go out with guys
that weigh like 300 lbs and dress like slobs. I wear nice clothes and
drive a nice car and I can't get a single date. Maybe it is where I
live. In order to get a date I will have to gain 200 lbs and have
someone break my nose so I am ugly enough for some girl to date me.
American girls suck! They have no taste anymore!
I give up!
>>>MY COMMENTS:
No, I think that the problem is that you
whine like a whipped Bitch.
Women can smell a "victim" attitude 100
miles away, and it IS NOT ATTRACTIVE.
Women's "standards" are just fine.
The problem isn't them, it's YOU.
Now do yourself a favor and quit ACTING
like a little girl, and DO SOMETHING about your situation.
What, do you think that all the average
and ugly guys out there who have HOT girlfriends are getting them by
being ugly?
The answer is "No, they're not".
These guys are getting the babes because
they know how to make the women feel ATTRACTION.
Trust me, I know quite a few guys who are
NOT exactly the picture of "handsome"... but these guys get a lot of
women.
Why?
Because they KNOW HOW.
Now quit whining, and go LEARN.
***SUCCESS STORY***
Dear Dr. D, Just wanted to drop you a
quick note. I am a 34 year old and divorced using your E-book to learn
how to get back into the game. Since I was raised by my parents to be a
nice guy, submissive, wussy, it has been a challenge to overcome these
self-destructive traits---but I am gaining ground every day. Also, I
don't have any natural ability for C&F. For the most part I am quiet and
reserved----so I have needed to re-train myself in that area also. You
have given me a good start by explaining attraction and what women want.
I want to stress the importance of
"practice". It's the only way to quickly improve your inner and outer
game. What has helped me is practicing on an old girlfriend. I am sure
many of your students like me have a woman that just won't let you go
from an old relationship. So, I have not completely ended it for sex and
companionship and she keeps me around for sex and emotional support.
Anyway----to my amazing weekend: Saturday,
I went out with the old girlfriend and busted on her and challenged her
on many issues all night. My old self would have shut up and zoned
out---not this time. I didn't put up with any of her nonsense. It ended
at my place and we had an amazing double session. She is now hooked more
than ever even though she knows I am seeing other people. She can't help
herself. I have triggered the attraction mechanism and more importantly
I know what I did to accomplish that. Sunday I spent the day with a cute
girl who had responded to my internet ad. We had only been out once
before. I played the game---didn't act overly sexually interested, just
enough....I used the C&F when I could, but basically kept cool. She
offered to pay our lunch/cocktail bill. My old self would have foolishly
denied her offer---thinking I was the man, thinking I was being
chivalrous (how foolish ;). This time I accepted without hesitation.
Once back at my place I used the start and stop technique. I would get
her hot, then I would back off. She would stop my hand from reaching too
far so I decided that I wasn't going to push it and that tonight might
not be "the night" with her so I was very relaxed. At 10:00 she was
getting ready to leave. We started making out while saying
goodbye----next thing I know , we were in the bedroom. It was amazing.
The fun lasted all night. Today I am tired with a smile on my face. I
know it worked out because I put the proper groundwork in place. By
turning my sexual advances on and then off-----it really got to her.
Acting as if I was evaluating her...the whole thing. Thank you for
pointing me in the right direction, I am starting to get it!!! Literally
;)
C
Fort Lauderdale, Fl
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Yea, you really are starting to GET IT.
And you are RIGHT ON.
This stuff takes practice and real-world
experience using it before you really "get it".
Too many guys are just too damned
overly-analytical, and want to know how to do EVERYTHING before they do
ANYTHING.
I used to be this way... and it cost me a
lot of time and energy.
It's so amazing to actually get out there
and SEE results right in front of your eyes. It gets you excited and
willing to try more things... and it prepares you for the future... for
situations that are REALLY important.
Get out there and use this stuff.
Start NOW.
***QUESTION***
Dave,
What does it mean when a woman says she
wants to "work on herself" before she can have a relationship?
>>>MY COMMENTS:
The literal translation for this is:
"I DON'T FEEL ATTRACTION FOR YOU, BUT I
DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU WITHOUT HURTING YOUR LITTLE WUSSY BOY GIRLIE
FEELINGS."
Any of the following:
"I need time alone right now."
"I need to find me first."
"Let's just be friends for now."
...etc. mean:
"I DON'T FEEL ATTRACTION."
That's the bottom line.
The problem is YOU, not HER.
Don't be surprised if this same girl
either IS or STARTS dating another guy seriously soon.
If you're hearing this kind of thing
often, then you need to take it as a sign that you're not triggering
ATTRACTION inside of women... and, more importantly, that you need to
LEARN HOW.
I recommend my Advanced Dating Techniques
Program.
This will help eliminate these types of
comments from women once and for all.
Here, let me brag for a minute...
I'm sitting here thinking about it, and I
can't remember a woman saying one of these things to me in YEARS.
***QUESTION***
Mr. Dave!
You are the man! I have been getting your
emails for about 8 months now I belive and have read your book! Just
yesterday I was in the store looking at CD's and I noticed these two
beautiful girls walking around and they would constantly look over
towards me. As I wandered around the store more I noticed that they
seemed to always show up wherever I was. So I stopped them and asked the
girl that I was more attracted to "Excuse me but i'm going to have to
ask you to stop stalking me." She looked at her friend like 'What is
this boy talking about' and then she asked me for my name. I immediately
answered "Do you really think i'm just going to give my name out to a
stalker?" once again she looked like she couldn't believe I was talking
to her this way. We talked about five more minutes and then I told her I
had to go. She asked me if I wanted her number so we could continue the
conversation. I pretended to think about it and then told her "I'm sorry
but I'm just going to be way too busy to find time to call you. So If
you promise to stop stalking me i'll give you my number and you can try
and catch me when I have a few minutes of free time to talk." She
eagerly took my number and when I got home about an hour later she had
already left a message on my machine to see if I could go out with her
this weekend!
I was so happy because I was curious too
see if I reversed the three minute phone number to give away my number
instead of getting hers would work and it did! Anyway on to my question.
As I stated this girl was with a friend at the store who was also very
attractive and was there the whole time I was hitting up her friend. Is
there anyway in these situations where you can get both girls numbers?
AF- AK
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Nice "reverse stalker" move.
I say things like this to women all the
time, and they generally love it.
To answer your question, YES, there's an
easy way to get both girls' phone numbers.
ASK.
Then call and ask them BOTH to come join
you for a cup of tea.
Kill two birds with one stone.
Then, over tea you can decide which one
you like more.
I've had friends who have been in similar
situations report back that sometimes both women will like you... and
EACH OTHER as well.
I mean, what do you have to lose? 2
minutes of getting a phone number?
Look, your question was based in fear.
Fear that you'd offend one or both of the
women, and then lose everything.
The fact is that you never HAD anything.
A phone number is easy to get. If you feel
like asking both women for their numbers, do it. If you feel like asking
them both to join you for tea, do it.
You get to make the rules.
***SUCCESS STORY***
David,
I received your DVD series about a month
ago and have watched it in its entirety a few times. I've noticed a
strange circumstance since then, similar to what Napoleon Hill says
about how when you choose a definite major purpose in life, ways and
means of attaining that purpose seem to magically appear to you. When
I've been in situations where I wasn't actually interacting with a woman
and laying on the C&F, they've still been acting attracted to me despite
the fact that I consciously did NOTHING in these situations. For
example:
- A bar/restaurant I hit about once a week
has a very hot waitress staff, and one in particular is a Pam Anderson
clone who's always being stared at and complimented by all the wussy
guys. She's been working at least a dozen times that I've been in there
but has never acted like she even noticed me until the last time (since
I've watched the DVDs) and she kept looking at me, over and over again,
despite the fact that I did NOTHING different. Finally I gave her the
"wrinkled brow" suspicious look and she got all self-conscious, said
"what?" and I came right back with "if you're gonna be that forward and
flirty with me you could've at least done your hair up a little better"
and then it was ON!
- I met some friends for happy hour and a
very hot chick was sitting at a table holding some guy's hand. Every
other guy in the place was staring at her and she was so hot that I even
overheard some of the waitresses trashing her. The thing is, I had been
watching the DVDs that same day and came walking in with a particularly
cocky swagger and the wrinkled brow and she stared me down the whole way
in. Then she would not stop looking over at me while she was holding
this dude's hand, he was obviously a Wussy since he saw what was going
on and did nothing (I guess he's the guy she uses for free dinners while
she's banging the real men). At one point she even took the long way to
the bathroom to walk by me and flirt but with the Wussy watching there
was no op to get the info... hopefully I run into her again.
It's obvious that just watching the DVD
series gives one an aura of confidence, since I did nothing in these
situations but show up. Kinda like reading Comedy Writing Secrets then
suddenly being funnier without actually thinking about it and trying.
Simply watching and learning this material opens doors for you without
trying!
FR
Phoenix
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Ah, you're tapping into the power of the
mind here.
One of the BIG benefits of learning all of
the material that I teach in my programs is the changes that naturally
occur inside your mind.
Once you see things differently, you begin
to BEHAVE differently as well. And it will happen automatically.
Now, I don't mean to sound new-agey here,
but this is the reality of the situation.
Women can pick up on subtle body language
that most men don't even know EXISTS.
When you start "mentally rehearsing" some
of the things you learn from my programs, you will automatically act
differently when you're in future situations with women.
Great job, and keep it up.
And make sure you send in some future
Success Stories, as I'm sure you're going to have many.
***SUCCESS STORY***
Hey Dave,
Blah blah blah, I shamelessly compliment
you, you feel like a deity... there we're done.
Your book would be worth it's weight in
gold, even if it were made of lead! I stumbled onto your site by
accident. A month before, I was Let's Just BeFriended for being "too
nice", and this was with an UGLY thing too! eh... I was desperate. I
actually laughed at those "losers" for getting slapped on the arm and
called a**hole, and later, I thought the chicks were idiots for dating
them!! I'm better now. After reading your book it was like the heavens
were parted and g*d HIMself bitch slapped the wuss right out of me!
Thanks.
Not only am I getting slapped, bitten,
chewed on, and fought over, I am LOVING it too! Just the other day I was
in a bookstore, and an old friend (read "hot chick") of mine came in, I
thought, 'hey I am here just being my new self, lets try something', so
I walked over to her, said hi, and then said "I didn't expect to see a
beautiful young woman here" she said "aww that's so sweet" (read "you
wussy") but then I did something that has been working really well for
me, I busted on her. I said "maybe I still will" Slap on arm, AND big
smile. She was wearing this rather large skirt with ruffles, so I said
"wow... I didn't know the parachute look was still in" while obviously
staring at it. Another slap on arm, this time laughing. Later she asked
if I got my hair cut (I hadn't) she said it "whatever it is, its really
attractive." There is this coffee shop in the store, so we had
"stimulating conversation" a little while went by, and she asked me to
go to her car with her, so she could "show me a new piece of art." well
needless to say, we are still "appreciating art" together, and its been
two months!
So the question is... Will complimenting
the ladies then busting on whatever I just complimented work the same as
if not complimenting at all?
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Ah, one of my favorites...
Giving a woman a compliment, then putting
a backhanded twist on it.
"Wow, your shoes are cute. Did you buy
them new?"
"Your hair is pretty. Did your mom do it
for you?"
"Nice car. If you're homeless."
Pick up any modern men's magazine and
you'll get a bunch of good ideas for this type of thing.
Cocky & Funny can be very powerful once
you learn how to use it. Great example, and thank you.
***QUESTION***
Hey Dave, I have been reading your emails
and have purchased your ebook and have read and studied from both. I
would 'study' areas I felt I was weak in or would that be wussy in, to
improve, naturally, but would read everything for as much knowledge as I
could absorb. Well, I have a success story but with a slight twist to
it. The twist is my success was due to playing off of 2 other guys'
failures.
I went to a club in a part of town I
normally do not go to. Not that it is a bad part of town I just never
thought of going there. I went by myself, so on my own, no one for moral
support, in a place I have never been before. Talk about giving your
ideas the acid test, this was going to be it. I was looking down at the
dance floor getting into the music and noticed behind me two girls
sitting at a table. I then noticed 2 guys approach and one started to
talk to one of the girls. The other guy was just standing there looking
at girl #2 trying to get up the nerve to say something, from what I
could tell, since I was that way myself in a not so distant past. I just
turned away and didn't pay much attention but after 10 mins or so the
same guy talking to girl #1 is not making any headway. Guy 2 still had
his wuss game going so no change there. I decided to ask girl # 2 to
dance but wanted to get her attention and interest, as well. So I leaned
over and said, "While that guy is trying to hustle your friend, whom, I
might he is not doing very well, would you like to dance?" Well, this
girl just cracked up laughing, she did not want to dance but did want to
talk more. She went on to say that there is nothing he could say or do
at this point to make her want to dance or go out with him. He just
doesn't get it, she said. I went on to say I know it is crowded and a
bit loud here but one should understand NO easy enough. She agreed and
went on to mention how much of a loser his friend is just standing
there. I then remembered a statement someone used in an email of yours
and thought I would use it myself. I said to girl #2 "what's that smell,
do you smell that?" She replies, "What smell?" I said, "The smell of
desperation." Well, Dave, that girl laughed so hard she fell out of her
chair. I helped her up and when she told me she had to tell her girl
friend that and when she leaned over to talk to her I just turned away
and went back to looking at the people dancing.
After a bit this girl came up to me and
said look at those losers they are just standing on the dance floor
while people are dancing around them. They did look pretty pathetic. We
talked a bit and I asked her name but I did not quite understand it
since she was Latin and had a Latin name I could not make out what she
said, what with all the loud music and noise. Just then some friends of
hers and her girl friend's came in and she started to talk to them so
again I just turned away and watched people on the dance floor. After a
bit she came back and grabbed my arm and said come on I want to
introduce you to my friends. After she introduces everyone to me I turn
to her and ask what was your name again? Is it ludicrous? She just
busted up laughing again and tried to tell me her name again. By now,
she is holding my hand and we started dancing right there. We talked a
bit and I told her she has to write her name down so I can pronounce
correctly when I call her. She say's, "Call me?" I said, "Yes, since you
are writing your name down you might as well give me your number. How
else am I going to call you? Oh, and if you have email you might as well
give me that also."
She said, that it was cool meeting me and
gave me a hug and kiss. She then went back to her friends and I just
turned away and called it a night.
It may not have been nice to use the 2
guys wuss behavior to my advantage but it worked.
N from Miami Beach
>>>MY COMMENTS:
LOL... so you went off secretly to a bar
alone... hoping that no one would see you testing the materials out for
yourself... lol.
Yea, sometimes it's rough when other guys
act like Wussy Jackasses...
But hey, it makes your life easier and
more fun!
So what the hell, right?
I have to say, one of my personal favorite
things to do with women I've just met is make fun of how other guys are
acting.
It's particularly fun in these bar-type
situations, where you can watch one interaction after another.
Most guys suck at approaching women, and
it makes for great humor and conversation.
Of course, talking about how terrible
other guys are INSTANTLY separates you from the herd, and kind of puts
you in the "NON-WUSS" category all by itself.
Another personal favorite of mine is to
tell a girl that she should get together with one of the guys that is
acting like a jackass.
"I think you and that Wuss-Boy over there
would make a cute couple. He looks like he needs a mom like you to tell
him what to do..." etc.
You've done a great job here, now keep it
up.
And thanks for the great example. Always
remember in these situations that a big scoop of COCKY & FUNNY will make
things go well.
In this Mailbag you've heard from a lot
of guys who are using my eBook "Double Your Dating" to improve their
success with women and dating. It comes with three additional free bonus
booklets, and it's a complete introduction to my principles and
techniques. Of course, it also comes with a 100% guarantee. Go download
your copy here... you can be reading it in literally a few minutes from
right now. And be sure to sign up for my free newsletter while you're at
it. You can do both here:
•
Free Dating Tips Newsletter And Download eBook •
____________________________________________________
David DeAngelo is the author of
"Double Your Dating - What Every Man Should Know About How To Be
Successful With Women", and has taught thousands of men how to be
more successful with women and dating.
_____________________________________________________________
Copyright 2004 David DeAngelo Communications Inc., All Rights Reserved.
David DeAngelo and Double Your Dating are trademarks of David DeAngelo
Communications Inc.
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